Young Children and Bikur Holim or Capitalizing on Natural Compassion

by Maxine Handelman

It’s going around. Children get sick all the time, but the winter brings down even the strongest adults as well. As a Mom, I rarely get sick. Really, who has the time? But recently, I got it – that really bad cold going around. And one morning, in-between coughing and blowing my nose, I went to wake my three-year-old for school. Before she even opened her eyes, she asked, “Mommy, are you feeling better?” Children have an inborn sense of compassion. Studies have even shown that infants express concern when they hear other babies crying. This makes children excellent candidates for the mitzvah of visiting the sick, bikur holim (bee-kure ho-leem).

We learn that this mitzvah comes from God. In Genesis (17:26-18:1) we read, “Thus Abraham and his son Ishmael were circumcised on that very day, and all his household; his homeborn slaves and those that had been bought from outsiders, were circumcised with him. The Lord appeared to him by the terebinths [small Mediterranean trees] of Mamre; he [Abraham] was sitting at the entrance of the tent as the day grew hot.” It is said that the third day after circumcision is the most painful. The Rabbis say that God visited Abraham on this day, and that God is establishing the model for bikur holim (Sotah 14a). We can imagine what God said or did with Abraham on this visit. Maybe God brought him some Tylenol or a cool bath for his feet. And then we can model our behavior after God’s – visiting friends who are sick and tending to their needs.

In the Talmud, we learn, “One who visits removes one sixtieth of the patient’s illness.” (Nedarim 39b) This attributes great power to the mitzvah of bikur holim. How could this be true? Do you believe that receiving a visit actually can make someone who is sick or injured better? Think back to a time when you were sick or injured. Remember how a good visitor took your mind off the pain or discomfort for just a little while. How a card or email from someone wishing you to feel better reminded you that you are loved, and that people around you care.

Young children are very capable of doing the mitzvah of bikur holim. The Talmud is clear on this point: “Bikur holim has no boundaries or limits, i.e., youth may visit the elderly and the elderly may visit the youth” (Nedarim 39a). There are many ways to involve children. In school, the class can call an absent child on the phone, or make and send cards in the mail. With your child at home, you can make cards or cookies to send to people who are far away or too contagious to actually visit. Children are a blessing on visits to a nursing home, providing smiles and lots of adorable antics. I know parents who make it part of their bedtime ritual to say a mi sheberakh (blessing for healing) for those people they know who are sick. This helps children to be aware of the welfare of people all around them and to maintain their innate compassion. Habits begun in early childhood continue throughout life. And someday, when we find ourselves in that same nursing home we visited with our children, we will be glad our children have strong habits of bikur holim.

Bikur Holim resources:

• Chicken Soup by Heart by Esther Hershenhorn, Simon & Schuster, 2002. A beautiful story of a boy caring for his caregiver with stories and soup.
  
  
• More information and resources about bikur holim can be found at www.bikurcholimcc.com
  
  
• Nobody Cares About Me! (A Sesame Street Start-to-Read Book) Sarah Roberts, Random House, 1982. Everyone on Sesame Street does bikur holim when Ernie is sick. While this book does not actually use the term bikur holim, this book is a great example of kids doing this mitzvah. Out-of-print, but used copies are readily available on Amazon.com.