From Generation to Generation

by Jane Geller Epstein

How do we impress upon our children that who we are and what we do as Jews sets us apart from the rest of the world? In so many ways, we are culturally assimilated. With the wider world, we share the same tastes and sounds.

With more women than ever out of the home and in the workplace, young children today spend years under the guidance of caregivers who might not be Jewish. Grandparents and other relatives may not be nearby to lend a sense of family history and continuity. Instead, neighbors, schools and youth programs become the surrogate “family” for young children. In most cases, these individuals and institutions do not reflect Jewish life. In the face of these realities, how do we connect our children with their Jewish heritage, historical and familial?

Creating a home with Jewish symbols, Jewish calendar celebrations and other concrete reminders such as keeping kosher and reciting prayers or blessings, berakhot at such times as before and after meals and at bedtime, are just a few steps that parents can take to ensure a Jewish home. The celebration of various milestones can bring family and friends together as community. Brit milah (circumcision), baby namings, simhat bat for newborn girls, and eventually bar and bat mitzvah ceremonies are all special times that express connections to our Jewish heritage.

As children grow, other milestones can be incorporated within a Jewish context. The beginning of their Jewish education presents a good opportunity. In the European heder, a young child was given a slate board coated with honey, signifying the sweetness of learning Torah. Most children today, whether in a synagogue school or a day school, start their studies as children would in any other educational setting. How wonderful it would be if the first day of a child’s religious education were to be marked as a special lifetime event in one’s Jewish life. Even though schools today may not begin the first day with a party, perhaps at home families could make sure that there is a sweet treat at dinnertime in honor of the event. Another milestone for more traditional families is waiting until a boy is three years old before cutting his hair for the first time. This celebration, known as an upsherin, has various interpretations. Extending back to earlier Jewish communities in Europe, some associated it with children starting their Jewish education at the age of three. My grandson was scheduled for such a first clipping of his beautiful blond curls. The dilemma was how not to ignore his twin sister under the circumstances. This was resolved by taking just a few public clips of his hair and presenting him with a kippah while giving his sister a small Magen David (star of David) necklace. In the end, she was much happier than he was – she received her prize without needing to submit to a haircut. The upsherin, took place during their third birthday party – the first with more than just parents and grandparents present – combined today's modern birthday celebration with a traditionally Jewish life marker.

If our goal is to engage our children in Jewish life events, then finding times and ceremonies to celebrate their Jewishness is even more urgent than in previous generations. Children need to see, touch, feel and savor their Jewish identities. Young children are concrete. Giving them the feel of making hallah, the smell of baking and then tasting it, leaves a lasting impression. Dipping apples in honey and reciting the berakhah, blessing, for eating fruit is a tangible reminder of Rosh Hashanah, just as other unique foods represent our various holidays. Lest we minimize the effect that these and other symbolic moments can have on us, just think about the nostalgia that is incorporated into so many television ads. What was fun or significant for us as children sells. Investing our time, today, will hopefully reap rewards years from now when our children become parents and grandparents – the Jewish role-models of the future.