Building a More Inclusive Space
Big changes bring about more change.
When the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards decided to allow gays and lesbians to be ordained and to permit same-sex commitment ceremonies, the ripples led to changes in United Synagogue’s hiring policies and lifted the ban on hiring gay men and lesbians for youth positions.
For many people involved with United Synagogue Youth, this was a nonevent. There have been openly gay teens on summer programs and Nativ, USY’s gap-year program in Israel, for years, according to Jules Gutin, the director of United Synagogue’s youth department. “Most of this generation of USYers viewed the decision as logical and correct,” he said.
Although gay staff members have worked for USY, until the decision they remained closeted. Once the paper was accepted that was going to change, but how that change was to be implemented and what the ramifications would be remained open questions.
Once the teshuvot were passed, United Synagogue and USY began to teach about them. Dr. Marilyn Wind, who is a nonvoting member of the law committee and United Synagogue’s vice president for youth and education, taught some of the first sessions, speaking to both the Council of Regional Youth Commission chairs and to a gathering of youth advisors in the Seaboard region. The discussion was lively, as the participants asked about the details of the teshuvot and their implications. Many asked how USY staff would be hired on the congregational level, although of course they were reminded that the congregational rabbi, as mara d’atra of the synagogue, would have the final word about which teshuvah to follow.
Dr. Wind and Rabbi Jerome Epstein, United Synagogue’s executive vice president, held a session about the new teshuvot at the 2006 USY international convention, which was right after the rulings. About 40 USYers came to find out what the movement thought about homosexuality.
Many of the USYers did not understand the halachic process, according to Dr. Wind. “We had to explain how halachah differs from civil law. It was very hard for the teens to understand the distinction, and to understand why in halachah you can’t just abrogate a ruling that you believe is discriminatory.” She noted that the passage of two opposing teshuvot complicated the issue.
Many of the USYers disliked Rabbi Roth’s teshuvah, Dr. Wind said. They saw it as intolerant and asked how it could be based on Jewish values.
The last three USY international conventions have included sessions about Judaism and homosexuality. In 2007, Aaron S. Weininger, then a firstyear rabbinical student at the Jewish Theological Seminary, ran a workshop called Creating a Welcoming Community in USY for Gays and Lesbians. Participants studied texts about Jewish values and discussed how those values demand that USY create such a community.
Mr. Weininger was very active in USY as a teenager. He was a chapter president, a Wheelnick, and went on a Pilgrimage trip that included time in Poland. He did not come out in USY, although he already knew he was gay, he said, because he did not know what reactions he would face. USY was too important a part of his life for him to risk losing it.
Other USYers feel the same way. The teens who took the Creating a Welcoming Community workshop wrote about the Jewish values that relate to their experiences. One wrote about kavod – honor and respect: “Growing up gay makes it difficult to fit in. In fact, it’s hard to feel completely safe anywhere. I’m not out in USY and I wish that I was but I love USY and I don’t want to have the experience spoiled.”
Another wrote about ometz lev – courage or strength of heart: “People fear what they do not understand. But if they are aware [of different sexual orientations] they can be more accepting.”
A child of two lesbian parents wrote about the idea of tikkun olam – healing the world: “I often think that if people knew more they would be more understanding. And I wish I could fix the way they think. Our world needs a makeover of beliefs about homosexuality.”
At the session, several teens felt secure enough to come out to the group. “The message is we love USY, we love Conservative Judaism, and we want a place at the table,” said Mr. Weininger. “We need to create a more inclusive place where people can be safe.” He stressed how important it is to provide positive role models, gay and straight, for USYers. “There are gay teenagers being kicked out of their families, committing suicide, and told they have no place in our tradition,” he said.
Tani Berkowitz, 20, came out toward the end of his senior year of high school. He too was active in USY; he was a board member of northern California’s New Frontier region. “Being gay was never an issue for me,” Mr. Berkowitz said. “I found a great deal of support from other USYers on Nativ. It was wonderful to be on the program when the decision was made.”
After the hiring policy at USY changed, Mr. Berkowitz worked on a Pilgrimage trip. He said, “It was really positive because I was able to be a role model for the kids who were experiencing Israel from a Conservative model. I am a Conservative Jew who just happens to be gay.”
Full inclusion and acceptance is a process that will require both education and time, and USY is working on it. The applications for USY programs no longer ask for mother’s and father’s names, but instead for the names of Parent One and Parent Two. Nonconventional families will see that their children and their families are welcome.
“I hope that USY can become a model of co-operation in our movement,” Mr. Weininger said.
